Oscar Pistorius: The Fall of my Idol.

I had been looking forward to the 1st September 2012 for a long, long time. I vividly remember almost bouncing in my seat on the train in anticipation on the way… willing it to get to the Olympic Park as fast as possible so I could watch an evening session at the London 2012 Paralympic Games. It was a beautiful, hot day, and the atmosphere was buzzing. I was looking forward to the whole evening, however there was only one race I had been dreaming about: watching Oscar Pistorius run the 200 meters. It was only a heat, but that didn’t matter to me. Oscar was my idol.

It’s probably time for a bit of back story. I was born with Amniotic Band Syndrome (ABS), a condition which means that amniotic bands wrap around the foetus in-utero. This can lead to amputation of digits & limbs, and can lead to miscarriage and stillbirth depending where the bands are. I was relatively “lucky” in that it only affected my fingers and toes, so my actual life is very normal, bar not being able to wear flip flops in summer.  So physically, not so much of an issue, however having a “disability” does make you more aware that you’re different, and in your early 20’s, it does make you look for people similar to you to look up to.

That’s where Oscar came in. Oscar was the poster boy of para-sports, and his face was everywhere. He once said “You are not disabled by the disabilities that you have, you are able by the abilities that you have” and that powerful quote has absolutely drilled itself into my brain, and it changed the way I see my disability. Whenever I think about things I can’t do, or things that frustrate me, that is the quote that gets me through.

At only five months older than me, we were a similar age. He was (and still is) a young, handsome man, who was able to compete alongside able-bodied athletes. When he ran, he flew – he was so quick that the photos I have of him running are merely blurry green-yellow blobs. That race, he ran 21.30 seconds, which was at that time a world record – a time most “able bodied” athletes would struggle with.

On the 15th February 2013, I was driving to work, listening to Radio 2, when Moira Stewart announced on the radio that a man, believed to be Oscar, was arrested after a shooting. I initially shrugged it off, believing that it was all one big mistake, and that everything would be ok. Then the stories came, and my idol began to fall. During the trial, it has become more and more apparent that Oscar was not always the polished, squeaky clean figure his team had made him out to be. Oscar obviously had a temper – that was there for all to see when he made the comments about Oliviera’s prostheses.

I felt, and still feel now, very emotional when thinking about it. Obviously my pain is nowhere near the pain that Reeva’s family are going through, but I still cannot feel anything but a sense of loss. The loss of my idol, the loss of someone who made disability something that is more acceptable, in this world that looks for perfection.

I am very mixed when it comes to the court case. Do I believe that he planned to kill Reeva? No. Do I think it’s conceivable that he lost his temper? Yes. Does he regret it? I have no doubt. Whatever happened that night, only he knows, but he will have to live with the fact that he killed Reeva, and that any reputation he once had - the Blade Runner, and my idol – has now gone. And I feel very sorry for that.  

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