The Single Blues
Today I'm going to do the blog post that has become rather Taboo in this funny world of ours. The Single Person's post. This will probably not be a popular one, and I'm more than expecting lots of "are you ok?" type texts over the coming days (I'm fine). For those faint of heart, look away now.
This week, one of my best friends got engaged. The happiness I feel for my best friend and her now fiancé (scary) is total. They're an amazing couple, and I could not be happier for them. But with that, comes a bit of a conflict. Because as happy as I am for them, I'm also feeling a bit sad. A bit lonely. A bit, well, on the shelf.
Don't get me wrong here, I'm not going to say I’ll be single forever, but it is difficult being in the "late 20's" and single when all your friends are settling down around you. You become the single person at parties, the one asked "how's your love life?" by pretty much everyone you see (word of warning, I'm going to start timing people, and then smacking them in the back of the head. The next person to tell me that I'll 'find love when I don't look for it' (often said by people in relationships, I note) will also succumb to the same fate - hint : all single women do it, it's what we do). It's tiring.
I used to laugh at the scene in Bridget Jones's Diary when Bridget goes to the dinner party and is the only one alone amongst couples. Now, I feel like I'm staring down the barrel of it, and it becomes less so (although don't stop inviting me to them, I do still have fun). One of my friends told me that she had a single friend who was just invited as the "entertainment factor" to parties - to literally be the court jester amongst the couples. The "token single". I wonder how many others are in that same situation. Acting the part.
In my other favourite show, Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw said "when did it stop being fun, and start being scary?", and I'm starting to feel that. The Fear. The life that you originally had planned out (marriage at 25, kids at 30) starts shifting, or just becomes a big question mark. Of course, I can tick off the mortgage and the success at work, the fact that I've had an article published, but that starts feeling secondary. Even in Sex and the City, where it championed 30-something single women, they all ended up in relationships.
All "Single Ladies" esque songs are not wrong, women don't need people to support them anymore financially, but maybe they now are missing the point. Just having someone to speak to at the end of the day, to sound off to, to have fun with, and to share experiences and life generally is something that I feel not only women need, but everyone does. That doesn't stop someone from being "independent" and "strong", but instead just provides balance to what can end up being quite a selfish, monotonous, and ultimately, lonely existence.
So, where do we go from here? I genuinely don't know. Hopefully it will be like in Snow White, where someday, the Prince does come (I hear Harry's single - wink wink), but I'd appreciate it if that were sooner than later. Let's hope so, anyway.
This week, one of my best friends got engaged. The happiness I feel for my best friend and her now fiancé (scary) is total. They're an amazing couple, and I could not be happier for them. But with that, comes a bit of a conflict. Because as happy as I am for them, I'm also feeling a bit sad. A bit lonely. A bit, well, on the shelf.
Don't get me wrong here, I'm not going to say I’ll be single forever, but it is difficult being in the "late 20's" and single when all your friends are settling down around you. You become the single person at parties, the one asked "how's your love life?" by pretty much everyone you see (word of warning, I'm going to start timing people, and then smacking them in the back of the head. The next person to tell me that I'll 'find love when I don't look for it' (often said by people in relationships, I note) will also succumb to the same fate - hint : all single women do it, it's what we do). It's tiring.
I used to laugh at the scene in Bridget Jones's Diary when Bridget goes to the dinner party and is the only one alone amongst couples. Now, I feel like I'm staring down the barrel of it, and it becomes less so (although don't stop inviting me to them, I do still have fun). One of my friends told me that she had a single friend who was just invited as the "entertainment factor" to parties - to literally be the court jester amongst the couples. The "token single". I wonder how many others are in that same situation. Acting the part.
In my other favourite show, Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw said "when did it stop being fun, and start being scary?", and I'm starting to feel that. The Fear. The life that you originally had planned out (marriage at 25, kids at 30) starts shifting, or just becomes a big question mark. Of course, I can tick off the mortgage and the success at work, the fact that I've had an article published, but that starts feeling secondary. Even in Sex and the City, where it championed 30-something single women, they all ended up in relationships.
All "Single Ladies" esque songs are not wrong, women don't need people to support them anymore financially, but maybe they now are missing the point. Just having someone to speak to at the end of the day, to sound off to, to have fun with, and to share experiences and life generally is something that I feel not only women need, but everyone does. That doesn't stop someone from being "independent" and "strong", but instead just provides balance to what can end up being quite a selfish, monotonous, and ultimately, lonely existence.
So, where do we go from here? I genuinely don't know. Hopefully it will be like in Snow White, where someday, the Prince does come (I hear Harry's single - wink wink), but I'd appreciate it if that were sooner than later. Let's hope so, anyway.
Brave post but a really good one.
ReplyDeleteYou're absolutely right that it's not just a female thing. I remember feeling exactly the same way. Hadnt really had a proper long term relationship at all, had no confidence and didn't see how I'd ever be like my friends that were getting married. Wasn't sure what was wrong with me.
There wasn't anything wrong with me. I just hadn't met the right person. I then did and it was (and still is) great.
The right person though needs thinking about. I'd wager that the right person for you might well be thinking the same way as you are. They might not be the most obvious and they're probably not going to sweep you off you feet. They need finding, just like you need to be found.