Robin Williams : In Memoriam

Queen once sang "Only the good die young... they're only flying too close to the Sun", and another day starts with the news of another great who flew too close. This time, Robin Williams, aged only 63 has been lost to an apparent suicide. 

 I was a child of the 90's. Movies like Mrs Doubtfire, Hook, Jumanji, and Aladdin were staples, and Robin Williams shone like the star he was. He was able to make you roar with laughter, then dissolve into tears within minutes of each other. His characters were larger than life, but with even larger hearts. His accolades were many, receiving an Academy Award for Good Will Hunting, as well as 3 Academy Awards Nominations for Best Actor, winning 2 Emmys, 2 Screen Actor Guild Awards, 4 Golden Globes, and 5 Grammy Awards. His  comedy acts were also works of art - often rude, bizarre, outlandish, but above all else, absolutely hilarious. 

 It is a sad fact that Robin Williams had his well documented demons. Only a few weeks ago I read in an "Entertainment" blog that he had been admitted to rehab for depression, and I hoped he'd get the help he was so desperately seeking. 

 The problem with depression is that it is a very individual, solitary illness. Some people say it's a selfish illness, and that suicide is a selfish act - to be honest, in a way it is - but that is the nature of the beast. 

 Depression is a very isolating illness. Imagine the worst bully you ever had at school, that person that would point out your slightest, but most personal flaws - your weight, that you're a failure, that you're not as good as other people think you are. Depression is a lot like that bully, but a million times worse: your own mind is that bully. It's your voice telling yourself that you're overweight, that you're a fraud, that you're not good enough for anything or anyone, and that voice can be deafening. You know that it's in your mind, but stopping thinking that way, and "pulling yourself together", is like climbing a mountain with an insurmountable peak. Impossible.  

 Depression makes you a brilliant actor. The bully inside you makes you feel that you can't talk to anyone about your problems, through fear of being a disappointment, of upsetting people, even feeling that people won't understand, or worse, that they won't care. 

 So you act. You act the part that you feel you should play. The part that you think others should see. And it's exhausting. So you get exhausted, which makes you feel like more of a failure - and it manifests itself. I struggled with depression for years - fortunately I have come out on the other side, but I still have days when that bully comes back, and it takes a lot to drown it out. 

 No one knows what Robin Williams was feeling when he apparently took his own life. Many people will say that he should have been thinking of his family, his children, his fans, that suicide was the "easy option". I'm sure it was anything but. After years of fighting, sometimes the fight is too much, and you fly too close to the Sun. 

 So, in the words of Aladdin, "Genie, you're free". I hope that he is, and that he can finally see the love that so many had for him. He will be truly missed. 

 Fly free Mr Williams. 

    

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